What or Who defines your self-worth?
This is a question I constantly ask myself. And maybe you get caught up with the same thoughts.
Oh, the age of social media. We are literally getting told what to wear, who to be around, what to eat, how to eat it, how our hair should look, where to go, what our career should be, what our lives should look like, insert everything. The subtle or not so subtle messaging is never ending. It is so clear that our generation and those younger than us are living from a place of misinformation. A skewed view of reality. Empty perceptions. Who makes these rules anyway??
It is no surprise that as a society we are experiencing all time highs of depression, self doubt, poor body image, burn out, jealousy, and major FOMO. We are putting unrealistic expectations on ourselves and those around us. And if we’re not careful and self-reflective, we can easily build our self-worth around these empty perceptions. I try to take time to really sit down and reflect on how I’m relating to myself and the world around me and I’ve realized I have put my self-worth on things like my relationship status, career related moves, page content, my body and heck even my hair! Now some of these things are pretty trivial, while others hold a little bit more weight. Like page content, pretty pictures… pretty petty in the grand scheme of things 🙂
Quick story- So, a few weeks ago as I was in the process of removing my faux locs hairstyle, I literally cut like 4 inches of my hair. 4 INCHES- i'm pretty sure!! Healthy growing tresses~ CUT. Gone in an instant. I was so sad. At the time, I was on FaceTime with my boyfriend and he saw the instant change in my mood… I was speechless and about to cry y’all! His constant reassurance of my beauty and sweet platitudes were falling to deaf ears. Ya girl was distraught. And in the moment, I noticed how attached I am to looking a certain way. My physical appearance, like most people, determines mostly how I feel about myself. Cutting my hair is obviously a simple example of a much larger issue, but all the same I want to be able to feel good about myself whether my hair is 2 inches or 20 inches.
The next mental hold is finding your self worth in your relationship status. I know I know… we are all so guilty of this. Feeling happier, prettier, more whole when you get into a relationship. Though this could be a sign of a healthy relationship, so many of us place way too much weight on being with another person and we quickly attach our identity to our partner. That is unhealthy. If you are ghosting or haven’t been as good of a friend to your homies since you got cuffed— that aint a good sign. Major disclaimer before we move forward: I get it. We are each limited beings with limited time and energy. And I agree-- it is not wise to give away certain parts of yourself in the same manner you would do to a partner or your closest confidant. I am in no way suggesting this. I am talking about treating your friends in a disposable or lousy manner because of a romantic relationship. Your partner deserves love, time and respect 1000%, but this person is not your everything. Ask yourself, are you searching for your self-worth through him/her or allowing this relationship to validate what you feel may be lacking in your own heart? Our sense of worth shouldn’t bounce around like a ping pong ball based on whether we are cuffed or not, degree-d or not, ‘booked n busy’ or not, well traveled or not, and all that other stuff we tend to glorify.
Although real accomplishments and healthy relationships are SO important and SO amazing and deserve to be acknowledged, they are just additions to what already makes you— you. So uniquely you. So wonderfully and fearfully made (Psalm 139:14).
Though I am still building my sense of self and allowing the Lord to transform me into his perfect image, I feel very secure in who I am and what I have to offer. It has taken lots of trials and tribulations, heartbreaks, accomplishments, failures, joys, tears, conversations, all that. But the things that constantly stick with me are:
My identity and self worth is found and defined only by Jesus. I am who He says I am. He feels great about me, so who am I to judge what the Lord calls most beautiful?? As a believer or not, the reality is you are created in the image of God and your purpose is found and rooted in Him. His glory, beauty, holiness, justice and love is shining down on you and you are meant to reflect that into the world. Now that is more than enough for your heart to do a happy dance.
Why are you comparing yourself?? Stop it! Sometimes we are way too critical of ourselves. Thinking critically on ways you can improve upon something and beating yourself to the ground are two different things. If you find yourself ruminating on nagging and destructive thoughts, it’s time to relax. Pray. Exercise. Take A NAP. Shift your perspective. Do what you need to do to challenge that inner voice. It is neither productive nor beneficial. The Bible talks about how stress and anxiety is useless and doesn’t add another day to your life (Luke 12:25). Comparing yourself to others is the quickest way for you to lose your joy. Stay in your lane. Your story and your purpose is unique to you and only you. What God is doing in your life is HUGE and He needs you to stay focused and true to who He made you to be. Plus, if you had the chance to really be in that other person's shoes, would you realllyyyyyy want too? Probably not. We all have struggles. Do not compare.
Take social media fasts. It is so needed. A huge necessity. Cutting off the noise from time to time does a great work on your heart and overall mental health. We don’t realize how taxing scrolling through Instagram, Tik Tok or Facebook actually is until you step away and experience a flood of peace. We’ve become so ingrained into other people's lives (strangers mainly) and I do not think it’s healthy.
Be kind and caring to yourself and your needs and that of others around you.
Take yourself out on a date!! Love solo dates.
Understand we are all imperfect and trying to figure out life. This is true for your boss, your supervisor, your bestie, your mentor, your parents, your partner, etc. We’re all human with limited capacity. Limited knowledge. Blind spots, etc.
SERVE. SERVE. VOLUNTEER. GET INVOLVED. My self worth and general feelings about my capacities and where I stand in the world greatly improved once I started to help those around me. Generosity is good for the soul. Joining the Peace Corps and devoting my time to my community in Saint Vincent was one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I have done. I try to serve and give back as much as I can selflessly. Find a cause you truly care about and get involved. It is better to give than to receive (Act 20:35).
Forgive yourself. Forgive those who hurt you in the past. Let that weight go. I know this is really hard, but your present and future self deserves it.
Rid FOMO. I used to suffer from major fear of missing out. You don’t have to attend everything, cherish your solo time too. Set boundaries for yourself and stick to them even if it means you’ll be missing in action from time to time.
Try to be thankful and grateful in all circumstances(1 Thess 5:16-18).
