I am fully realizing I haven’t posted since getting engaged in November. Honestly, ever since then, life has been a whirlwind— at this point, this is a common theme for my mid-late 20s. I remember typing this same sentence in a previous blog. You read the title so you already know this blog post involves a lot of LIFE that has happened and there is no way I could summarize each of these transitions in one post. I’ll write about each transition because each one deserves its own space, processing and digging into!!
This blog is a space to process one of the busiest, most life-changing transitions I've ever experienced. It's certainly been a season of stretching, pushing me to a new level of what I consider 'hardcore' adulting. It's been a time of mourning my singleness, but also a time of preparing myself spiritually, physically, and mentally for the plans Jesus has for me. As I move into this new season, I'm reminded to be prayerful and to trust that God is working all things for my good. I'm reminded to be patient and to hold onto the peace and joy that comes from God's love and grace. I'm also mindful to be open to the possibilities of what might come, and to remember that I'm never alone no matter what. I'm learning that the best way to navigate this season is to stay grounded in God's Word and trust in His power, love, and plan for me.
It feels nice writing this blog at this point because I feel like I am getting to the other side of such a BUSY season. Whew. When my husband and I got engaged I knew we would have a short engagement so after a couple of months of “my fiancé, yeah that’s my fiancé, omg I have a fiancé” bliss— it was time to plan a wedding! We planned a SUPER sweet and intimate ceremony with 60 of our closest family and friends and man, I’m grateful we took this route for several reasons. And I mentioned that to say, now that we are happily married (YAY) and I am officially done with my graduate coursework (YAY AGAIN), I can finally come up for air and begin to process everything and hopefully share some nuggets with you!
So lets get into it—
Point numero uno: I mentioned “mourning” my singleness because for some time after my engagement that was the best language to sum up what I was experiencing. It is SO evident all over the gram that it is engagement/wedding season! And I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. I love love and I love to see people win in love, life, career, etc. I was so happy to be engaged to the love of my life. It felt so surreal. The culmination of the heartbreak, confusion, breakthrough, contentment, and happiness I dealt with throughout the years has finally paid off and I was being blessed with the man of my dreams. I felt like I was even being rewarded in a sense. And other moments felt like “whoa, this is all happening so quickly– is this what I truly want?”. One thing we don’t see after engagement and wedding posts is the reality I’m sure a lot of women (and men) face– the cold feet, the questioning, the uncertainty that comes right after making such a huge life-changing decision. Although I was beyond happy to be getting married to my sweet fiancé, I needed to face the ending of my single years and that came with a lot of mixed emotions. Some may call it a normal case of cold feet, but I named this phase of engagement: mourning. (I know that’s dark— but it is what it is). I cried, journaled, and prayed for what was and even though my mind and heart were at odds, I began to welcome what is.
The idea of being a wife is something I’ve always basked in; the reality of it coming true in a matter of months was both exciting and unsettling. I asked myself, “What does it even mean to be a wife?” Most of my closest friends are still single, so I wondered how that would change our dynamic. Would I need to find more married friends? Would we still be as close as we had been? What is it going to feel like losing the freedom of singleness? How am I going to spend my time? Is it going to be constantly considering my husband? What does submission even feel like? What if I don’t feel like it? ” So many thoughts came to my mind daily and some days I thought, should I even leave this life behind?
Eventually, light shined into these dark thoughts through conversations with mentors, older married women, talks and time spent with my then fiancé, and my personal time with Jesus, and slowly but surely my mourning season turned into a season of dancing. I felt more ready (more ready because I don’t know if you ever feel fully ready for certain things) to seize the moment knowing that I don’t need to be discouraged or fearful because the Lord is with me every single step of the way and His power will continue and will always work best in my weakness. I didn’t need to worry. I just need to trust and trust like I have never before.
I am reminded of this promise in Joshua 1:9. “Be strong and courageous. Don’t be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go”.
The book of Joshua is a reminder to the Israelites and their future generations that the blessings they received were a gift from God. In other words, the book of Joshua, like many others, is a promise to God’s people that the Lord is faithful. Whenever you enter into an unknown land or experience advancement of any kind, Jesus is there. His rod and staff are there to comfort and strengthen you. Your willingness to obey God would be tested and sometimes you will fail that test, however, the faithfulness of God will forever remain the same. His unwavering faithfulness is something we can rely on, no matter what the situation. We can be assured that God will always be there to guide and protect us.
This was more than enough to conquer my fears and to look forward to my marriage, life after graduation and the seasons of life Jesus will usher me (us) into. I have Him. And He is more than enough. He alone is my portion and I am forever grateful.
So— life-changing transitions should be discussed more, the good and the bad and the in-between. I am happy that I had the chance to mourn my singleness and maybe there would be times when I would be confronted with those emotions again, and the formula remains the same: Trust Jesus. Feel those feelings, but also hold onto the truth and don’t depart from it. I know I don’t have this thing figured out but it’s a blessing to begin to realize I don’t have it and I know for a fact—no one does. Even seasoned married couples are still learning about their lovers. Graduates are still unsure of their path and re-considering and un-considering certain moves and career options. Life experiences, especially those worth having, won’t fit a cookie-cutter frame and honestly, I whole-heartedly feel like it’s time to get out of this mindset that everything will go accordingly and submit to the fact that we only have TODAY to look forward to and it is in our best interest to serve the day the best we can.
I am not saying don’t plan for your future because that would be foolish. Planning for the future is an important part of life, but I am learning to take a step back and focus on the present. I don't need to necessarily plan out every aspect of my future career. I don't need to find a job that perfectly aligns with all of my degrees and experiences. Instead, I'm striving to focus my energy on serving others in whatever capacity I can. This could mean taking on a job I didn't necessarily imagine myself in or volunteering for a cause I'm passionate about. Whatever the case, I am learning to focus on the present and the potential opportunities it provides. Serving in the current space I am in and remaining open to what the Lord is putting before me. And I believe if Jesus sat down with us millennials He would preach a similar message.
You are not bound by human constraints as a child of God. Be faithful to the little He has put in front of you and He will increase you and He will see to it that you accomplish what He has for you. We are in good company. And it is my prayer for you to pursue spiritual values and allow that to overshadow worldly pursuits.
All is well friends and I pray you were encouraged!!
With love as always,
Mrs. Dessie 🥰
