Breaking free from heartbreak and reclaiming your time!! 😎
You clicked that link.... OKAAAAY you're a real one!! I know it’s been a while since my last post but this blog is about the JOURNEY not the destination. And trust, I won’t abandon either! I want this blog to be reflective of my trials, testimonies, and breakthrough. The heart behind telling my story is to encourage others. You are not alone in whatever season you find yourself in. *cues highschool musical , we're all in this together*
So yea, if you read my caption on Instagram or the title of this post— you already know I’m about to get real open and transparent. Life is suppose to be that way- trust me. *all the introverts just clicked off* no come back... & hear me out.
This is going to be a slightly long read but hilarious, freeing and hopefully informative. Stay with me and shoot me a DM/text afterwards.
Let’s get into it!
I was (past tense, because we are CLAIMING breakthrough)... *i really believe in speaking things into existence*. But any who, I WAS going through such a trying season these last 6 months. I was fighting for peace of mind, seriously, my emotions were OUT OF WHACK, I didn’t feel completely confident in my body because all that goooood Island grubbing actually caught up with me (Right!!! How dare it?!!) and to make matters worse, we were abruptly evacuated from service with only a couple DAYS notice. Yall, the whole thing was so traumatic for me, mainly because of the friendships I formed, leaving my beloved students and leaving right in the middle of starting an AMAZING after school program. And it doesn’t stop there... I got back to the US where COVID-19 was running free and doing it's thang! In Saint Vincent, the virus wasn't a big deal and it was under control. So coming back to the US was honestly...ghetto.
In ADDition, since we are going through such crazy times; I lost my employment with literally no promising job lined up. It's been so stressful because I'm currently changing careers during a PANDEMIC. Like what company is willing to take a chance with candidates with no formal background?!! I completed SO many job applications, revised my resume and cover letter so many times. I was over it. I already don’t like talking about myself that much so it was honestly over kill. And the most devastating part is— I would actually get the interview with high level staff and things would seem promising until weeks later... an automated rejection email. Like really?! Y’all couldn't even personalize this for me after all the hoops I had to jump through during this extra process?? At that point, I really didn’t understand what was going on. Was it me or something else? I was getting interviewed and impressed the company time and time again... so what was the deal?
But stay with me here. Because THAT’S not even it.😩 In the midst of all that rejection, I went through another unexpected transition. Literally, as if things weren't weird enough- my relationship ended. So at this point, I’m numb. And the last straw came days later..... I found out my grandma in Nigeria passed away. (God rest her beautiful soul) Her death woke me up a bit but overall, I still was numb to a lot of things.
When other rejections and upsetting things came my way, I was just numb. For a lack of better words.
ME: "alright, disappointment #32 fall in line. You're not special." I was super defeated and discouraged by this point. I was acting as if my Father was asleep and NOT on His throne.
But like I mentioned before, the death of my grandma really started something new in me. As I write this, I think about Ecclesiastes 3.
God has made everything perfect in its time. Whether you're stressing out, have anxiety through the roof, and worry your way to your next victory.. THE OUTCOME WOULD BE THE SAME. However, you missed literally every single thing God wanted you teach you along the way. As King David put it, “So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can.”
Honestly, literally, & seriously!
Give thanks in all situations. It’s all about your heart posture. What I realized during this season was that God was preparing me for a shift. And that certain things needed to go. He wanted to set me up for success beyond what my current life had capacity for so he had clear up space and eradicate what wouldn’t serve me in this next season. He knew the jobs I was applying to wouldn’t maximize my gifts and calling nor take me to the next level He already ordained for me. He knew He had a better man and friends in store for me. He knew that all this pain and rejection was temporary and He wanted to know would I still choose him anyway? Would I still open my Bible and sing songs of praise and worship when my heart hurt and felt so heavy. My physical circumstances were piling up but that didn’t change His perfect will for my life.
After a while, no matter how I felt, I still made time to love on God. Whether that was during my bible study, worship sessions in the car, random talks when I woke up in the morning.. I knew I had to be intentional about seeking out joy and staying close to Him.
It’s the trick of the enemy to keep your eyes and your mind focused on the things you DON'T have rather than be grateful for all you DO HAVE. Don’t let him win this battle for your mind and happiness. Each time choose peace. I know what you’re thinking— that’s easier said than done, Ash. Trust me, I know.. My mind has been wrecking back and forth. Thinking about singleness, "when will I find the one who would go the extra mile with me", "am I even called for marriage", "what would my next season even look like"... LITERALLY busting my brain over things I have no immediate control over and what it comes down is: DO YOU TRUST GOD OR NOT? Do you trust yourself for a breakthrough in your life or are you willing to hand it over to your creator who created you perfectly with greatness in mind? A greatness far better than what we have in our human minds, let me add.
I’m not for everybody or everything. Neither are you. And that’s OK.
He knows your heart desires and He isn’t going to keep you single or going through a fiery trial ANY MINUTE LONGER than it’s intended. But your mindset through it all, will really position you for the next level of greatness and to receive all that He has to offer.
Again choose PEACE. And to do so, you have to be INTENTIONAL.
Whatever hasn’t served you time and time again in the past, will not serve you in the future. This doesn’t have to be any harder unless you make it. When God closes a door, please trust Him and keep it shut. He sees the end from the beginning while we only see a small picture.
I have to intentionally choose peace over my physical circumstances. Through the breakup, the lost of my grandma, being evacuated from Peace Corps, many job rejections, a global pandemic within a racial war, seeing people who look like me killed senselessly. *deep breathes*
There were so many things coming in my rear view to distract, discourage and down right destroy me. But what it came down to is: my faith. Do I trust God with these aspects of my life or am I going to place my faith on Ashley to figure this thing out?
That was the question I asked myself & I had to confess. In my mind and out loud—I don’t trust God enough....sad but honest truth, i did not trust Him....so from here on out, I’m going to work on that. What that looks like for me is: to stay in my Word, watch sermons, sing and praise dance, say prayers/talk to Him, surround myself with other believers or positive influences and monitor the content I allow into my soul & truly KNOW when I’m going through a low moment, all I can do is surrender to Him. I don’t have to bottle it up, numb myself or go through it alone. Don't get me wrong it's not all about your works, you don't have to "do" to receive any of God's blessings but actively pursing it-does wonders for my sanity.
I’ve tried doing things my way my whole life. And I see where many of my efforts have ended up, especially in the area of dating. So this time around, I’m going to go with Jesus and no matter how trying it may get, I know at the end I’m going to experience a J O Y I couldn’t have orchestrated myself.
....Really that’s it!!!!
I will be posting each and every time I feel led. If there’s any topic, you would like me to expand on, Let me know. Through this healing process, I reached out to several women and they reached out to me and it was such a freeing experience. We shared, we cried, we opened up and it helped me overcome certain emotions & get over my heartbreak in a healthy manner. So that’s my intent here. Our testimony brings about so much healing.
🙏🏽🙏🏽Things to remember-
*Singleness= time well spent with God
*Stay soft and gentle. And do NOT harden your heart
*We are not perfect, but God is. Lean on Him
*How did I know a shift was on the way? Well because even in the midst of the trials I mentioned, He gave me a peace which surpassed all natural understanding.
THANK YOU for your time! Lmk your feels. Until next time 💗💗
Here's some pictures of me in Aruba living lifeee. After all this, I decided to take a trip for my 25th birthday and really just enjoy me. I definitely deserved all this and more. Chileee.
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