Twenty-Seven 💖
Personal:
Everyone won’t like you, vibe with you, understand you or support your growth and that is okay. For years, I stifled my own personal growth because of fear. At the end of the day, I had to admit I was a people pleaser and that spirit wasn’t going to get me anywhere! The more I welcomed the idea of being comfortable with who I am becoming, I didn’t feel the need to have to prove myself one way or the other.
Journaling has got me through some real inner battles. I realized some things don’t necessarily have to be spoken from one friend to another. I am a big proponent of getting sound advice from trusted friends, but there are some things that you may have to work out between yourself and God. I’ve experienced breakthroughs sitting in my room, with my journal, allowing my mind to run free and capturing destructive thoughts and bringing it to the Lord.
Modesty, modesty, modesty. There are so many reasons why I value modesty now. My wardrobe in college consisted of pieces that were either extra tight, real short, see through, showed way too much cleavage and though, deep down I knew I felt uncomfortable presenting myself in this way, I kept wearing and buying these sorts of clothes. It was the culture 🤷🏽♀️. As I mature, I realize people treat you how you carry yourself. Try to highlight other aspects of who you are other than your body. It will protect and empower you like no other.
The power of writing! Write it all down. Goals, visions, to-do lists, groceries. You’ll have more space in your mind for other things.
Move to a new state or a new country in your 20s IF possible. My outlook on life has been enhanced in more ways than I can count.
Think of others more highly than yourself and treat them how you wish to be treated. I promise that’ll do wonders for your own self-esteem and outlook on life. Also, you will be greatly rewarded in every area of your own life.
Start moving in the direction you want your life to go. Don’t put off certain goals because you feel you’re too young. “I’ll start pursuing (blank) when I’m (blank)” no, no no… move towards that N.O.W.
Cherish your parents and elders in your life. They are getting older too and won’t be around forever. Pick up those calls, forgive the past, buy them dinner, pull up on them, etc. Make the time.
Your diet isn’t only the food you put into your body, but the quality of the people you let into your life, the music you listen to, the shows you binge, the conversations you entertain, etc. I learned to be just as intentional about these aspects of life in helping me reach my goals. We intake SO much on the daily that it’s hard to filter through the junk, but it is more vital than ever.
Closed mouths don’t get fed. Advocate for yourself. Make your expectations and boundaries clear. No one is a mind-reader and we all have different perceptions. Over communicating is the name of the game and learning to do so effectively is a major key.
Spirituality:
I’ve come to really understand it all comes down to your relationship with Jesus. It’s not about religion nor dos and don’ts. Nothing/ no one else has made me feel that inner peace I’ve longed for and was created for. I remember making a lot of money during an internship in college, dating all the cool or nice guys, taking all the trips and having a strong community, but I have learned even with all that, I was still lacking what my soul craved and that was a real love relationship with God. Truthfully, once the novelty of most things wears off you’re left feeling pretty empty. I learned this early on and knew I was made for something deeper.
It’s a LOVE relationship. Following religion doesn’t get you far nor get your roots deeply planted. Earnestly ask Him to reveal Himself to you and I promise your life will not be the same. It really breaks my heart to see family and friends not living for Christ because of inaccurate doctrine, people hurt or because they have been deceived into thinking God is this abstract thing and we have all we need within us. There isn’t anything better out there. In your own strength, you will not go as far as you like to believe no matter how positively you think or how “good” you may be.
Following popular culture had me lost in the sauce for so long. Social media has the charm of making us pursue things we don’t even care about just because that’s what is trending. From time to time, I still get caught up but as my roots grow deeper, I’m better able to discern what’s fruitful and what is not and to react accordingly. We were never meant to live for an audience of many. Stay true to where you are getting led and mute out all the extra noise.
It is not about what you do. Jesus isn’t looking at your performance, how much money your side hustle earns, how many books you read, your career, or how “good” you are to others, He is looking at your heart. I am learning to not put my identity or worth in external factors.
Read your Bible! Fall in love with it. It’s not just a mere book.
Romantically:
Let that man LEAD! Listen, the whole independent woman talk doesn’t phase me. Yes, I am able to provide and take care of myself and yes I will happily let my man do that as well. I learned to step back and let that man step up. If he is showing you he cannot lead in your relationship, well.. that’s another conversation. Letting a man lead versus manipulate or control or dominate you are very very very different things.
Abstinence is the name of the game. Seriously taking sex off of the table in my dating life has healed me like no other. Sex is not intimacy and often times complicates the mess out of things and it really does create a facade that’s really not there. Premarital sex and hookup culture is so popular and it’s easy to believe it’s just “causal” but trust me it doesn’t lead to any positive outcome in the long run. And rarely, is it ever just casual. Let’s be real.
Don’t chase a relationship. A man who is serious about you and sees a future with you will make it plain and as clear as day. Most men aren’t that complicated and men are naturally hunters. If they want you they will make it clear. Be pursued and courted correctly! It won’t be a force for the right one to see your worth.
That list of everythingggg you want in a partner may be limiting you, especially if there’s mainly physical or cultural elements or things that can be learned through time. Dating outside my comfort zone has been a blessing for me. I wouldn’t have given my boyfriend, the love of my life, the time of day if I was judging our compatibility on what I THOUGHT I wanted in a partner.
Dating and marriage aren't the ultimate keys to life. It’s such a beautiful journey and one that serves a great purpose in your womanhood and I truly desire marriage and looking forward to being a wife one day, however, singleness is also a gift and SO beautiful. Don’t waste it just wishing and hoping for prince charming. He will definitely come one day and your coming together will be so much richer if you spend your single years fruitfully.
Career and Schooling:
You don’t need to put yourself in a box. I studied and got a fashion degree in college. Currently getting a Masters in education and policy. Flirting with the idea of writing a book. I have a heart for traveling, giving back, and serving in the mission field. Now where will this lead me ultimately? No idea, but I am starting to be at peace with not knowing step by step. Obviously I don’t want to be a jack of all trades and a master of none, but I am coming to see my path hasn’t been traditional and it very well may not be. Let the Lord lead you and don’t lean on your own understanding. After all, your calling may be unlike anything you could imagine for yourself. 🤷🏽♀️
In most settings since graduating high school, I am either the only black woman or the only woman. This had me deeply insecure about my intelligence and what I bring to the table. But listen, internalized biases are REAL and if I don’t consistently check them at the door, I will forever undervalue myself and will be at the beck and call of others’ thoughts and perceptions of me. And that’s a dangerous place to park. YOU ARE AT THE TABLE FOR A REASON. What you bring is so unique. Don’t second guess that.
For readers in school: Undecided on your career or next step? Join several organizations, go to mixers, study abroad, find and message people on platforms like LinkedIn and message them for a quick chat, build meaningful relationships. Doing these have helped me a ton. Go ahead and put yourself out there. Completely get OUT of your comfort zone. Doing each and every 30-page reading may or may not get you as far as that chat or group hang out would. Close the laptop and go network! Make some connections.
PRIORITIZE! Life can get so overwhelming so fast. Everything won’t always get done. And that is ok. Sometimes, the only priority I have for the day is to get through it and trust God for strength to show up.
Friendships:
Deal with conflict head on, especially if this is a relationship you value. Don’t let anything fester in your heart.
Some friendships are seasonal. It’s a tough pill to swallow, but it’s reality. I don’t believe in canceling people. But I do believe sometimes we hold onto friendships that deep down we know we should let go of.
Last but not least: Quality relationships are KEY. Don’t neglect your soul sisters or brothers. Date your friends. Those friendships will carry you through!
I flirted with the idea of featuring pictures throughout my twenties, but I’ll save that for another time. For now, here are pictures from my birthday party with a couple family + friends ;)
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