Today is all that matters

Focus on the now

I always finding myself thinking about the next week, the next month. Or even the next hour. Like in a simple conversation with someone, *sometimes* I drift off and think about what I have to do next or wonder “Its time to go now, it’s time to move on to the next thing” or “ok after this conversation, I’m going to go home forreal this time”. I don’t mean to be rude but I’m always focused on what’s next??? What’s after this present moment?

Peace Corps has drawn out processes for many things, particularly training. We have them in “phases”. 3 phases. At the beginning of each phase, we get a schedule of how every single day will look like for the 6 weeks or so. So guess what I do?! YEP, YOU GUESSED IT! I go to the very last page of the schedule and start having all these thoughts on what the day will be like, how will I feel, Will time actually move fast and get me to this DAY and I subconsciously wait for that day each and every day. Each day that passes, I check it off and it feels great! Why? Because I’m one step closer to the day of my “hopes and dreams”. One step closer to the holidays where I can see my loved ones, or the day school starts then shortly after.... the day school ends 

Disclaimer- There’s nothing wrong with having things to look forward too & I’m not saying anything along those lines.

But what happens when that day actually comes? I’ve gone through Phase 1 and Phase 2 now and I’m officially on Phase 3. So, I’ve hit many milestones and the days I’ve been so patiently anticipated came and went. Just like that. I had all of these expectations and feelings for this one day and just like that, it comes and goes. All those worries, thinking extra hard and without any effort of my own at all- here it is.

I guess I do it to have something to look forward too?

But nonetheless, it’s a dangerous practice. A practice I’ve been doing for years! When I was in college, I’ll start the semester, super excited for it to start then days later, I’m going through my calendar and eagerly await May or December to arrive!

I’m always searching for the “end” of something. But by doing that, I’m not allowing myself to live out the present and all that each day actually offers. The people I come across, the place I visited for the first time or even many times, the conversations I engage it or even the conversations I overhear (I’m nosey SOMEtimes). All of this is actually pretty meaningful and nothing to take lightly!! And if I’m not careful, I’ll miss it each and every time.
I don’t take full advantage of each day because I’m so eager to get it over with and check off another day on the calendar. But trust me, this is no way to live

I don’t necessarily live for the weekends or anything like that but I like to get things done just to say it’s done and I did it. But I realize I’m not enjoying everything I’ve done, allowing myself to fully process experiences and everything God is doing through me if I ‘half live’ and not focus on each and every day. Yes some days are longer than others, less exciting, more mundane.. then there’s the exciting, fun, highly anticipated days, fun date nights or whatever in between but it all works out and it ALL works together! Each day is meant to be cherished and I’m sure we all have a list of things we can be grateful for each day. This is what I’m trying to develop. An appreciation for everyday, the highs and lows & everythang in between!!

Wishing for the next best thing is always robbing you of what’s right in front of you. Surprisingly, is the only thing that actually means something- the present.

LET'S SHOW UP AND SHOW OUT!!

James 4:13-15
13 Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. 15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

~Xo, Ash